Crash and Burn
by rubie
Summary: What if Fanelia had lost the Great War? chapter 6 removed. The last post was error ridden, thanks for pointing it out Rebecca-san! humm.. I'll revise it, but right now, Crash and Burn is on hold until I can arrange it in my mind -.- ;;....
1. teaser

This was inspired by A Stranger From a Strange Land (a great CCSakura story by Meghan, all those who have not read it, READ IT! www.fenya.net ) Icebreakers is good too! Go read that and be happy. 

uhh.. I could decide which title was better, Crash and Burn (a Savage Garden song, the lyrics kinda fit. But it sounds strangely Dilly-sama like) or Erosion. Gimme suggestions. see chapter 1 for explainations. That'll come soon, I promise! I already have... uh.. 2 pages of it.... >.> 

Standard disclaimers apply. 

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Crash and Burn - teaser   
by Rubie aka Jenn ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Hitomi leaned on her history book, idly swinging her pendant back and forth. Three years ago, she told Amano-sempai that her grandmother's heirloom kept perfect time between seconds. Now its arc was hopelessly unsteady, jerking oddly in her hand. She finally understood that the pendant did not judge time, but judged the stability of its mistress' heart. She bit her lip, feeling slightly betrayed. It wasn't her fault. She did nothing wrong. She was angry; she was rash. What other excuses could she give before her heart finally accepted her mistake? 

But she knew she would never forgive herself. She tried to blame Van, but she could never bring herself to hate him. Maybe she should never have done that reading two weeks after her sudden departure. But she was curious; she couldn't help it. If only she didn't leave... 

If only she had left... 

If only he had come for her... 

If only she had gone back.... 

Then maybe Zaibach would never have won... 

*** 

Van dug his foot impassively into the concrete, grinding whatever was underfoot. There was really no point to him sitting in the halls, listening to the elders speak. He wasn't allowed to make any meaningful decisions anyway. His entire life was now strung onto delicate strings, so thin that the public could not see them, but thick enough to bend him over backwards. He might as well leave, run away, and hide where they would not find him. Then maybe the elders from Zaibach would find their power in jeoperdy, since their main tool and puppet was gone. The recent laws were killing their forests, depriving his country of its natural resources. They were especially cruel to Fanelia, since it was one of the leading countries that began the Great War. But now, his country had been striped of its reputation and power, and he had become nothing but a pawn. Sometimes, he wondered if the new Zaibach king was really the brother that he once thought he knew. 

He leaned back in the swing, part of a small playground made for children. It wasn't really native to Fanelia, but the Zaibach soldiers placed it there, mostly to gain the next generation's love probably. It was really small, and his legs were forced to stretch out awkwardly. It was kind of funny actually; the king, hiding out in a child's park, swinging on a swing. 

But at the same time, he felt really angry. Partly at that jade eyed girl who abandoned him when he needed her most, and partly at himself, for failing to protect what he held most dear. He wondered how she was doing on the Illusionary Moon, but at the same time, he didn't want to see her. He didn't want to let her see what he let himself become. 

It was his own fault that he had given up then. And it is his fault he is failing now. He failed to lead his people; he failed to protect his friends; he failed to fulfill the role given to him by his subjects. Maybe if he had placed her out of his mind when he needed to concentrate, he would have won that battle. Maybe if he had focused, he would have been able to utilize what that girl had taught him; and he would have been able to see through their sleath coats. Maybe if he softened, and let go of his pride, he would have been able to admit his fault and returned for her. 

Maybe... 

Maybe... 

Maybe then, he would have been able to defeat Zaibach. It was mostly his fault that he's become what he is now. A ghost, a shadow of what he once was. He really had no motivation in his life now. It would have been better if he died.... then at least the people of Fanelia would not have submitted so easily under Zaibach's control. But he couldn't. He wouldn't be able to face his parents, and all those people who gave their lives for him during that war. 

But maybe if he returned for her... 

Maybe if he had let go of his anger... 

Maybe if he was better.... 

Then Zaibach would not have won... 

*** 

Merle picked up another rock and skimmed it across the lake's glassy surface. It was starting to be fun, and she's starting to get pretty good at it. There was really nothing else to do. She could go to Van-sama, but he would probably just give some dull replies to her comments, and she would begin to feel uncomfortable. He wanted to be alone anyway. She wanted to be alone. Everyone wanted to be alone these days. But it was better that way, since then, no one would have to describe the recent developements of the Zaibach empire. There really was nothing else to talk about but that. 

She skimmed another rock almost perfectly across the surface. 

But what really surprised her though, was that the Zaibach empire did not immediately dismantle Escaflowne, complete the fate machine, and fulfill Dornkirk's dreams. But Dornkirk had died shortly after the war, and Folken was left to take his place. Folken did not take on the murder of his younger brother with readiness. But he was expected to take on the duties and fulfill Emperor Dornkirk's wishes. 

Merle threw another rock, harder this time. It skimmed the surface only once, before sinking heavily into the glassy pool. 

It was all that girl's fault. It was all Hitomi's fault! If she didn't leave, then she would have been able to foretell their attack. And then they might have been prepared for it. It was all her fault! She should never have left. Just because Van-sama had given away to anger in that battle.... what he does was not her concern! Death and fury in a battle was natural, yet she threw a huge fit about it. It was all her fault. 

But at the same time, she knew that it wasn't entirely true. She really just wanted some way to express her anger. Three years ago, she would have openly accused her, but now, even if she had that chance, she probably would not. There was no point in running away from the truth. There really wasn't anywhere to run to. Besides, Van had chosen not to bring her back from the Illusionary Moon. He had been too proud, too overbearing to admit he was wrong. But he had already paid for the price of that mistake several times over. 

If Hitomi had returned... 

Then maybe Zaibach would not have won... 

Then maybe everything would have been okay... 

*** 

Millerna lingered in bed, gingerly fingering her broken arm in disgust. It had already been over a week, but her right arm was still useless. Relying on others was something she despised to do, but now she was forced to do so. In many ways, she had began to accept this abuse, after all, time does heal wounds. No, time didn't really heal wounds; time only dimmed the mind, which lessened the pain. But... 

If only he didn't die... 

If only he didn't die... 

In frustration, Millerna threw flung the flower vase by the bed side to the ground, startling several servants. She glared at them and they remained still. 

Damn that man. Damn her husband! Why must she be married to such a murderer? She could curse her father, a hundred, a thousand, a million times and still feel unsatisfied. She had to marry for political reasons, that was expected, mostly to seal a treaty of peace with Zaibach. But why, of all the men in the world, but she be married to Dilandau? That depraved animal... he didn't deserve to be human... 

The only thing good about it, though, was that he hated her too. He stayed away most of the time, remained in Zaibach, negotiating and ruling his kingdom from there. The people of Austria despised him, but he did nothing drastic, mostly due to Folken's influence. But when he did return... she shuddered... She hated him. She hated Dilandau. She hated Folken. She hated everyone. And if only Allen didn't die, then maybe things would have been different. She recalled the day of his execution, three years ago. That was a bright day, and she hated the sun for being to happy. She despised the blue sky. She scorned everything that seemed to be taunting her. Why did Zaibach kill them? It wasn't necessary; they didn't kill Van, or Merle, or her... 

But she knew. Her face twisted into a bitter scowl. The Zaibach empire needed an example; they needed to prove their power. They sacrificed Allen for power. And he died for honor. 

He died for nothing. 

She often wondered though, what would have happened if Hitomi never left. Her sudden disappearence surprised them all, and they were caught completely off guard. She doubted that the result would be any different, after all, fate is already written. And no matter how you try to change what is in between, the end result will always be the same. 

But what if Hitomi never left... 

What if they created their own fate... 

What if Zaibach had been defeated... 

Then maybe everyone could be happy...   
  
  
End of teaser  
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Comments would be great! Flames would be nice too. If its death threats, then e-mail me personally about that ^_~ 

Maybe I do need some explainations... *crawls into a hole* uhh... I realized that some people haven't seen the entire series so... in case you don't know what is going on, this refers to a situation from episode 24 and 25. It isn't really a continuation, but more of an alternative ending/universe. 

I wasn't quite sure if I should have added that ending part with Millerna since her role in the story isn't really significant. But I thought I should have expressed the story from all points of view so.... Comment!! 


	2. Chapter 1

I changed the title from See No Evil to Crash and Burn (its a really good Savage Garden song... the lyrics fit sorta). It sounds strangely Dilly-sama-ish... -.- (NOT THE SONG!) Originally, I wanted to use Erosion but I donnuo... What do you think? Gimme comments! 

And thanks to all those who responded to my last post, you gave me tons of encouragement! Muchos arigatou! 

Standard disclaimers apply. 

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Crash and Burn - chapter 1   
by Jenn aka Rubie   
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"We're giving you full warning; you should have been expecting it," the ambassador spoke arrogantly, eyeing the king with contempt, knowing full well that he would not, and could not demur. 

Van nodded indifferently. "I understand." 

"I warn you, break your connection now, and you might survive," he continued. 

Van nodded again, but a sudden rap at the door caught the two men off guard. 

"Come in." 

Merle opened the heavy door to the newly rebuilt meeting house, lined with a silvery alloy. She looked at them meekly, then bowed her head in reverence. 

"Van-sama, if this is not a good time--," she began. 

"That's okay Merle, please come in," he stood up slowly, issuing an unspoken dismissal of the ambassador. The man glared scornfully before turning to leave. Merle remained at the doorway, unsure if her presence was welcome. 

"That was about Escaflowne," her words were a statement rather than a question. 

He merely smiled and patted the seat next to him. She sat down slowly and twisted uncomfortably in the metal chair. Van grinned inwardly; her body language was so obvious. He could easily predict her next statement. 

"But the fate altering machine...," she began to say something, but fell silent. 

"I knew it was coming. It would only take time, and Emperor Folken would be forced give way to the demands and expectations of the advisers and the sorcerers." Van explained, somewhat impassively. 

He's your brother, she thought furiously, yet she knew Van-sama never considered him his brother anymore. Not since their defeat. The two talked very rarely, but when they did, they were often painfully formal. 

Merle glared at her hands, wishing that she had the courage to scream. Scream at that ambassador who didn't have the right to live. Scream at Van-sama for being such a fool. And then scream at the world for betraying her children. She bit her lip, trying to contain her emotions. 

"You can't let them," Merle said quietly. 

But there wasn't anything he could do. He could cancel that blood pact, but something was holding him back. To remove that pact was to erase all the memories of the Great War, and Fanelia's long established tradition would be lost. All that he originally took pride in would be stripped away. He wondered if it was really worth it. To die in the hands of his brother while defending Fanelian traditions was far better than dying of old age, torn of everything that defined him. He was silent. 

"Perhaps you should bring Hitomi back," Merle eyed him uncomfortably. 

He smiled, "You tell me that almost everyday," he teased. "But no, it isn't necessary." 

Merle shifted in her seat, unable to maintain eye contact. "She might be able to help. And you'll be happier, Van-sama." 

He continued smiling, "Am I unhappy?" 

Merle was silent at that, and she glanced up at his face. His ever-present smile veiled his features, and she looked away as quickly as possible. "You should stop smiling like that, Van-sama." 

His smile still lingered, "Should I not smile?" 

"Don't smile unless you feel like it, Van-sama." 

*** 

Hitomi bent down to pick up her scattered books with a blank face. The group of girls giggled smugly, and Hitomi pretended to overlook them. There was really no point in turning on them with anger; they'll only taste their victory with more pleasure. Her first year of college was a pain, especially since her silent and withdrawn personality gave her no friends. To top it all off, she often came on top in her classes. And when she passed the halls, she often felt misplaced elbows jamming her in the ribs and exposed ankles caught under her feet. Her college was too small; everyone knew about her and despised her. But her apathy towards the students surprised even herself. 

Yukari had long since moved to study aboard, and she rarely heard from her anymore. It was partly her own fault, she knew, because her letters that she wrote back to her best friend were short, brisk, and businesslike. She regretted it now, but trying to rebuild their friendship from scrap was far too late. 

And her family... well... they're still just as supporting. Even her younger brother matured. But they noticed her silence and drew away from her as well. When they did speak to each other, the topics were always trivial and obvious. 

She smiled bitterly. So this was what she's become. 

She picked up her remaining text books and stuffed her scattered Psychology notes into her folder. She felt that she chose her future career well; being a psychologist suited her in many ways. But she doubted she would be a great help to anyone, since she was usually uncommunicative. 

She droned slowly on the sidewalk, taking her time. She was early anyway, and there really wasn't a good reason to get to class. A strange uneasiness tugged dully at her mind, and she shook her head to clear it. But the lingering heat spread. She gasped when it burned and tore itself into the back of her mind. She dropped her textbooks, falling against a wall that was apart of classroom unfamiliar to her with a small cry of pain. A couple of students stared at her in surprise, but after recognizing who she was, they hurried off. The back of her head felt like it was being burned as an obtrusive force pushed itself into her conscience. 

/Hitomi!/ 

/Shut up!/ She mentally cursed the voice. She didn't want it, in fact, she hated it. She wanted it to go away. She tried to block it out of her mind again, but it only aggravated the pain. 

/Hitomi!/ 

/Merle, go away!/ Whimpering, she broke into a desperate run, seemingly with no destination in mind. She shoved her way past two startled students, her eyes clinched shut. Her foot skimmed over a pile of rocks, and she joined with the ground with a dull thud. 

The scathing heat left as quickly as in had come. But Hitomi stayed on the ground, curled in a fetal position, sobbing wildly. 

"Go away.... go away....," she whimpered. A group of students watched the trembling figure silently. 

*** 

Merle fell on her back with a sharp cry. She eyed Escaflowne. It didn't work. Escaflowne rejected her too soon. She wasn't able to say anything significant to Hitomi. But the fact that she was able to make that connection surprised her. Usually, Escaflowne rejected anyone other than its operator in less than a few seconds, but lately, even Escaflowne is becoming mellowed. 

Merle sighed and eyed her torn hands in disgust. Hitomi didn't want to hear her. She could feel her that time in the dim recesses of her mind, screaming and cursing. Merle noted grimly how she had changed. But Hitomi was important to Gaea, and she was sure her presence would be inspirational. Even before the Great War had ended, rumors spread that a girl from the Illusionary Moon was aiding the Fanelians against Zaibach. And another legend prophesied that her return would bring out their downfall. How typical it was for helpless people to create mystical beings that would being salvation. But how typical it was for people to rely on others. 

Merle pulled herself delicately to her feet and examined the nearby alter in frustration. The sculpture of the Fanelian goddess towered almost to the ceiling, her empty, pupiless eyes dark and foreboding. Her face was a hard mask of cold unforgiveness, and Merle could feel a cold rage burn. The last time she had asked a god for help, Van-sama nearly died. There was no way she would ever bow to another god again. Gods were creations of the human heart, hungry for hope. And to place one's hopes in something created by yourself was asinine. 

But placing one's hopes in another person was equally unreliable. 

*** 

Van eyed his pile of paperwork in disgust. He picked up a new packet of papers, and began reading through it carefully. He might as well read through as much as possible before Zaibach began dismantling Escaflowne. What bothered him was that they did not give him an exact date, and it made him somewhat restless. They should just hurry up and go through with it, instead of lagging and torturing him. 

He moved slowly to the tall glass windows of his room, watching the seemingly out of place shrine of Escaflowne. Zaibach had agreed to rebuild it from stone, like the original, but everything around it shone with metal. He doubted the shrine would remain stone for very long 

Merle was visiting the shrine often these days, most likely pleading with the gods. He wondered how she could still be so optimistic. Fanelia had no hope left, a leaking ship with a wooden interior; the only way to save it was to tear it to pieces and float on the planks. But even then, it was necessary for another ship to let them on board, provide them with food and water. And he doubted any other countries would allow them that privilege. He was sorry that he dragged Merle with him when he sank. 

A green glow brightened the room for a split second, and Van jerked up in surprise. His eyes automatically traveled to the shrine which held Escaflowne, and was shocked to see its windows fill with an eerie light. Have they begun dismantling Escaflowne? No.... he would be able to feel that by now. What's going on? In frustration, he tore his coat from its hangers and raced down the halls. 

*** 

Hitomi lay on her dorm sofa, twisted tightly into a thick blanket. She had laid on the sidewalk for almost the entire period, when her teacher realized and found it unusual that she was missing. Then a group of students confessed that they saw her running through the school, and a few others found her textbooks. The teacher was worried and sent someone to look for her, then several took her back to her dorm shortly after the nurse proclaimed there was nothing wrong with her. 

'A mental break down,' she said, 'It happens very often in top scoring students who have few friends.' 

Her classmates sneered at that. 

Hitomi curled tighter into a ball. She regretted having missed what Merle wanted to tell her. It must have been important, otherwise, she would not have been silent for three years. She tried to convince that she didn't care, that it didn't concern her, but she knew that she was lying to herself again. But how ironic that the person who disliked her the most would now be the first to turn to her for help. 

She gripped her head in frustration and buried her face in the blankets to muffle an agonized scream. There was a lingering tug in the back of her mind again. 

/Hitomi.../ 

"Go away!! Leave me alone!" Hitomi screamed at the whitewashed walls of her room. 

/Hitomi!! Van-sama is dead!!/ 

A deafening silence. 

/Hitomi... you know, don't you? We lost the war... and now Zaibach are going to control Fanelia directly, unless we have a ruler. I can't rule. Fanelian elders have no status in the eyes of the people. But if you come back... if you come back, the people will love you. They already loved you before... Please, Hitomi, come back... Save Fanelia, fulfill Van-sama's final wish.../ 

A pause, as Merle waited for her response, but Hitomi was painfully silent. She could almost hear her swallowing uncomfortably as she tried to choke back more tears. Van was dead? A strange emotion that she could not name gnawed at her heart and screamed in her mind. That's unthinkable... but then... Hitomi had to admit she didn't know. She had been trying so hard to ignore him the past three years, she didn't even know when he died. She had been running away from him, for fear that he would blame her. Hate her. Despise her. 

But now he's dead, she had no more reason to run.   
  
  
End of chapter 1  
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uhh.. this was shorter than I planned. I didn't have this story very well planned out when I started writing it... teaser got revised again.. Grr! I need to get rid of that bad habit! I constantly go back to revise still I already posted. I'll post that on fanfiction.net. 

Nothing happened just yet.... GRR! back to the drawing board... is my writing style confusing? I make all these character anaylsis thingys and it feels like a therapy session. Oo.. my grammar's not that great. If you find any mistakes, please tell me. 

This might be revised and I might suddenly get ideas and add stuff to make it longer... bear with me here, I don't usually write stories.. I write essays... but not by choice. 

Uhhh.. Merle is very naughty.... But she's the only one in this story who still has the motivation to go and do something. Merle haters, I'm sorry, but just that her personality is the type who would do that, and she wasn't affected directly by Zaibach. 

Okay, I have a confession to make, I SUCK at writing romance. Everything I write anything a BIT over the line, I hear the little beeep! going off in my head, and to get rid of that beep I kill people in my fics -.- ... But I'm working on it, since everyone wants Hitomi + Van... 

Have you realized that when I began writing fics, the archive fell behind? Humm.. waht should I sacrifice? -tosses coins- 


	3. Chapter 2

I think I've been trying way to hard to make them appear sad and in desperate need of sympathy -.- Uhh.. I revised this a bit so the reader can draw his or her own feelings towards them (to some extent -.- I still had to keep some inner monologue). Obvously, I forgot to run spell check on the last post.. gomennasi! Uhh.. I wrote this in Spanish.. can you tell? Its so hard, Mary-san, how can you deal with all those verbs?? 

Humm.. this might still be revised. I don't like how Hitomi's appearance was rushed. I'm trying to speed up the story, but it's not going too well. 

I tried to make the atmosphere dark, but failed miserably. Oh well... 

This story doesn't have too much revision. I swapped some stuff around. If you already read the last post, then don't worry about this one. But if you read it, that'll be great too! 

Thank you all for reviewing my story and reading! 

Standard disclaimers apply 

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Crash and Burn - Chapter 2  
by Jenn aka Rubie  
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Lightning ripped in the dark night, and the sky was a shimmering sheet black rain. It was hard to see anything else. A boy tore his way through the rain, his feet skimming over the slippery concrete. He was tall and long limbed, but he had the appearance of someone who grew too fast and too sudden. His balance was not set, and he came close to slipping several times. 

Another blinding streak of light flashed through the sky and the boy winced. Strangely, no thunder followed that abnormally bright light. Perhaps the rain was too deafening. He approached the shrine, surprised that the door was already unlocked and partly open. A stream of voices echoed from within. 

"I was so worried! I thought you might end up in the outskirts and Zaibach would have caught you. Amazing! How did you become so accurate?" A bright energetic voice asked excitedly. 

"I don't know...," the other girl spoke he barely a whisper. He had to strain to hear it through the pounding rain. 

"You have to hide! We can't let anybody see you. If Zaibach finds out...." 

"But..." 

"They're going to kill you if they find out." 

Silence. The silent girl seemed to be thinking things over, but he doubted she would say anything. She seemed to be a person who had infinite thoughts, all carefully locked away in the recesses of her forbidden heart. And she would share those secrets with no one. 

The other girl in the room was silent was well, but it was a discomforting silence on one who has commited a crime. "There's something I need to tell you, Hitomi, I--" 

The door creaked. The wind betrayed him. Or did he betray himself? 

"Va- Van-sama!" Merle was aghast. Her eyes widened in fear at the rain soaked boy at the doorway, his expression unreadable. 

The girl beside her grew pallid as she took several steps back. He watched her impassively, though every nerve in his body screamed. A person that he's been desperately trying to avoid suddenly appears. What should he feel? Angry? Scared? Regretful? No... none of them describe the emotion his is experiencing now. But what annoyed him was that he could not name it. 

"But... I thought...." her voice was still soft. She tugged and twisted a strand her shoulder length hair in her hand. 

Hitomi's uncertainty was painfully obvious. Van was somewhat thankful that his body did not betray him. Those years of suppressing his emotions in front of the elders had given him and endless capacity for pretense. But after three years of trying to forget, he wasn't sure how he should react. After the surprise at the unexpected arrival passed, he felt hollow. There was no extreme uncertainty, fear, or acceptance... only... apathy? He sighed inwardly. So one cannot pretend to be someone else for three years without becoming that person. 

She changed drastically over the past three years. Her once bright eyes were almost gray now, and they bore a strange indifference that made her unapproachable. Her dark green overcoat seemed to swallow her, setting off the unnatural paleness of her skin. She noticed his eyes examining her, and frantically looked at Merle for an explanation. 

"I lied," Merle confessed. "Van-sama didn't die, but Gaea needs you! I needed you to listen... so....," she let her voice drift. 

Hitomi was angry. "Merle, I'm going to go home," she whispered. 

"But, Hitomi..." Merle was becoming desperate. 

"That's disappointing," he said with a bright smile, "You wouldn't return unless I died?" 

Her eyes widened in surprise. "No... I...," she paused. A smile? Van almost never smiled. It looked so out of place, so forced, so.... artificial. The boy in her memories was not like this. He was honest, candid, and he was not a prevaricator. But a person can change a lot in just three years; he was no exception. And he's come a hypocrite. 

*** 

"I'm sorry. There are few options open to us now that you're here," he spoke with a light smile as he led the way through the halls. "You'll have to hide in the storage room behind mine." 

She glanced at him, her eyes emotionless. "Don't apologize." 

"Why should I not?" 

Hitomi's eyes scanned him quickly again, before quickly focusing themselves back on the ground. A strange emotion seemed to pass before them for a fraction of a second. Van grimaced. Pity.. she pitied him. He didn't want anybody's pity. 

"You've changed a lot, Van. Were you forced to change, or did you chose to change?" Her voice sounded strangely surreal and ghostly in the blackened halls. 

He looked at her in surprise, and could feel the smile fall from his face. What kind of answer was she searching for? She already seemed to know everything. People do not assume a new personality because they want to, they do it because they have to. That was a foolish question. The answer was already obvious. 

"People can change, and I had no other choice," he admitted, "But you chose to change. No one forced you." 

He noted that she carefully avoided eye contact. She did not reply. 

"Why?" he asked, inducing her to answer, his discomforting grin returning. 

"The same reason why you chose to change." 

Merle swallowed at the mounting tension. This was not the way she expected things to be. Especially Hitomi; she had expected her to be smiling, bright, and cheerful, a desperately needed relief to their grim and gloomy lifestyle. But... 

"Hitomi, Zaibach is going to dismantle Escaflowne," Merle accused, "And Van-sama won't break the blood-pact!" 

Hitomi stopped abruptly, her eyes narrowing slightly. Her emotions were extremely simplified, Merle noted. Anger, hate, indifference. She doesn't show anything else. 

"Merle, you may leave if you are tired," Van turned to her calmly. 

Merle felt an overwhelming urge to hit him. To get rid of the stupid grin. That deceiving grin. That mask of lies. But instead, she nodded and left. 

The silence continued, and Van was unsure of what to say. Now, the first time since their defeat, he began to feel the onslaught of emotions. He was breaking down, he realized. Hitomi's dragging his suppressed emotions out into the open. No, she wasn't pointing them out, she was asking him questions that made him search within himself for the answer. And that made him angry and insecure. 

"Van, do you want to die?" 

He could not contain his shock at her question. A hopelessly absurd and rude question. She was prying herself into something she did not understand. How could she understand? But that question was also painfully obvious. He wondered why he never addressed it to himself. 

He realized grimily he still had to answer her question. "Only if I have to." 

"Liar." 

He grimaced. This was not the girl he remembered, her gentle understanding brightening all those around her. She was kind and accepting; she was not painfully blunt. 

But maybe she was right. Perhaps his entire life now was a lie. That mask of pretense he never took off; that discomforting smile he always wore; and how he's running from the realization that perhaps he was really guilty of Fanelia's defeat, and of Allen's death, and of Millerna's pain. And of Hitomi's broken spirit. Then, he felt real fear. 

But at the same time, he felt angry. At himself or at Hitomi he was not sure. But all those walls that he took years of building around himself, Hitomi was tearing them down in a matter of minutes. He needed to get away. He did not want to show what was truly in his heart. 

But what was in his heart? He was not sure if he even knew himself. 

*** 

"This is your room," Van gestured, his smile lost. "Just dig up some of my clothes. You'll have to keep a low profile." 

She nodded, her eyes carefully downcast. 

He frowned, trying to think of something to say. Something that will shorten the widening gap separating them. But was there really anything left between them? They've been hiding from each other for so long... 

"Sleep well," he said and turned to leave. 

"You're running," he heard a soft whisper just before the door shut behind him. 

*** 

As the door shut, she could suddenly feel her body relax. Her back was tense and ached under the stress. She sat down on the crudely made bed structured out a bumpy mattress heavily. It creaked, revealing the inner straw filling. Why was she being so cruel? Why was she attacking him as if he was an enemy? 

But she already knew that answer before she even asked herself. She did not want him to see her for who she really was. 

But his emotions were so easy to read, even if he did try to shield himself. That false smile, those dark eyes, his unsteady frame. They all betrayed him. But she made them obvious. She was hurting him, she knew, but she didn't know what to do or say otherwise. And despite the relief when she discovered he was still alive, she felt remorseful as well. He would be better off if he died. 

But she's become so unforgiving. 

Hitomi saw the floors of her small silver lined room blur, and wiped at her eyes unforgivingly. In three years, she had not cried, yet in a day, she's come very close to letting tears fall. And it was all because of him. 

And that made her angry and insecure. 

*** 

The door to the meeting hall opened sluggishly, the early morning rays twisting on its surface. The metal structure bent the light and sent crashing between the walls, painting grotesque representations across its shimmering surface. A pink headed young girl with cat ears peeked out from behind it. 

"Van-sama, your breakfast." 

He nodded, not looking up from his paperwork. Merle felt something in her heart wince. For the first time in years, he did not look up and smile at her. That fake happiness. That forged happiness. She felt relieved, but regretful as well, to know that he did not acknowledge her. 

She placed the meal lightly on the table and examined him for a moment. 

"I've talked to Hitomi," she said, watching him for a reaction. 

"What did you tell her?" He did not look up. 

"Everything but the death of Allen, Millerna's marriage, and Folken-sama's new position in Zaibach. Some things about the recent politics that I did not understand fully, I did not tell her either," Merle spoke as if she was being judged. 

He nodded, his quill pen scratching the documents softly. "Tell her." 

"But she didn't ask! She didn't ask about anything. It's almost as if she didn't care; she probably already knew." 

"Tell her anyway." 

Merle blinked in confusing, but nodded. A short silence followed before she finally gathered up her courage to speak again. 

"The rumors are all over town... Zaibach.. they know...," Merle's said quietly, "We should leave, Van-sama." 

"I cannot." His answer was short and brisk. "Take Hitomi and leave." 

"She refused," Merle said. Then froze. She just admitted that Hitomi was the one who told her about the recent developments. Van showed no signs of this, but Merle knew he took that into account. 

She drew a long breath. "I know you're the king here, your people except you to carry out your duty. But... you are not the true leader. And..." Merle's voice grew softer, as if she feared speaking her thoughts aloud. Van's pen suddenly froze, as if her comments had struck, sure and true. She fumbled with her necklace, trying to gain confidence to say more. 

"Van-sama, you're running..." Merle continued, when Van suddenly reeled back as if she had stabbed him. His darkened eyes filled with blood, closely resembling those blood red eyes that so characterized him during the Great War. Merle could feel her arms tense and her fur prickle in fear. She tried to swallow despite her constricted throat. Something was wrong with Van-sama. Terribly, terribly wrong. 

Or was he never all right? 

"I sorry, Van-sama, I didn't mean to say that." She hastily turned to leave. 

"Wait, Merle." 

She stiffened. 

"You said what you thought, otherwise, you would not have said it." 

Merle looked at simply decorated tile, and dug her toe in one of the designs, her back still turned towards him. She wasn't sure what to say. What could she say? 

"I want to talk with you for a moment." 

She paused in surprise and fear. Van-sama wanted to talk to her? He never talked to her. 

Merle nodded at sat across from him at his desk. She watched him closely, trying to discern an emotion, but his face was blank. 

"I...," Van paused, as if trying to find something better so say. He sighed deeply, "I... since our defeat... I....," he sighed again. 

Merle watched in shock at she watched him struggle with his emotions. He was breaking down; his mask of dissembling was cracking. But she was afraid. She was not sure if she wanted to see what Van-sama was truly like. 

"I'm a coward," he finally managed to splutter out. 

Merle drew back in surprise, "No! That's not true, Van-sama... Yo--" 

"I've been running away!" he stood up suddenly, sending his chair crashing to the floor. He grabbed the pile of papers and threw it at the glass windows, letting the snowy sheets float across the room. "I'm such a coward! I've been taking Escaflowne as an excuse to die!" He face was twisted in rage, his usually gray eyes were returning to a bloody red. His hands were frantically groping for his pens, his books, anything that laid on his desk. He tore up the papers, throwing them at the walls and snapped the pens in two. He kicked at his fallen chair, his face contorted in rage. 

Merle shrank back fearfully, still frozen in her chair. The sudden outburst surprised her, and she was not sure of what to say or how to react. 

The door suddenly few open, and the ambassador stormed into the room. His eyes scanned the room, and his body registering shock and surprise. Merle heard him cursing silently under his breath. Van stood up, his face suddenly devoid of emotion. 

"So is it true?" The man asked gruffly. Rudely. 

"Please explain yourself. I cannot read your mind." Van kept the same indifference, but his voice sounded tired. 

"That the girl from the Illusionary Moon returned. The rumors are all over town. A bright flash of light appeared and no thunder followed. It must be--" 

"If that was Hitomi, then I would not be sitting here listening to your mindless speech." Van bent down to gather some scattered papers. 

The man was disgusted. "Some Zaibach soldiers saw three people running at night from the shrine, where the light stopped. They claimed if was you and that cat girl. The third they did not recognize." 

"If you do not show me the proper respect expected of an elder to its king, I refuse to answer that question." 

The man's face twisted in fury, "This is unheard of!" 

"Then we better hear it." 

He looked at Van, his face agape. "Your majesty, who was this third person?" 

"A common servant. She was caught in the rain." 

"May I see her?" 

"No, she is sick." 

"I insist upon seeing her." 

"No, I do not want her getting any sicker by seeing you." 

*** 

The ambassador existed to the hall, his face twisted in frustration and anger. That boy king was trying to break free of his binds. Zaibach controlled his entire kingdom, yet he still waged a personal battle, trying to gain petty respect like it's little child's game. A worthless, pointless child that will amount to nothing. What a fool.... What a complete fool! 

He rounded a corner and opened the door to one of Zaibach's private rooms. It was grand and newly built; the ceiling was tall and glowed mysteriously. The walls were lined with small green lights that gave off a sickly atmosphere. But it suited the castle, since everyone here was ill at heart. 

He sighed quietly and fingered the small jewel embedded in the skin of his ear. He tugged at the thin metal and switched his ear piece on. Instantly, in hummed into life, sending tremors down the sensitive skin of his face. 

"Folken-sama, do you really think the girl came back?" the ambassador asked incredulously. 

"Ambassador, that is hardly the question," he spoke evenly, "She is here; she is in the storage room behind the king's. Our cameras confirmed that." 

"But she has been gone for so long, even her involvement in the Great War has become a myth," he said, still unconvinced. 

"But that acts in our benefit." 

"The strength of her character is doubtful. She disappeared on the eve of their defeat. That sounds like a coward, not an inspiration." 

"The human mind is a desperate and complicated thing. People are better off with a wooden head." 

He frowned. It was hardly the time to tease. Folken-sama made such strange comments sometimes. But nevertheless, he had to admit he was a brilliant and able leader. 

"The girl still means a lot to the Fanelians, and other prominent countries involved in the war." 

"Then we must--" 

"Do nothing until you see them appearing suspicious. I expect you to act wisely," The voice blurred and faded. 

Wisely. Only fools pretend to be wise.   
  
  
End of chapter 2  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
*attempts to envision someone rubbing a balloon on Dilandau's hair to make it spikey. Or even better, Allen!!!* MUHAHAHA! uhh... -.- 

Do you see what I mean by I SUCK at romance? >.> Urggg... I deleted the whole part about the room, filled it up with gibberish... There's still no action yet, but the next chapter, hopefully <--key word, something is going to happen. 

I attempted to make the ambassador a little easier to relate with. He's suppose to be practical, stubborn, and its easily convinced.. what's that word.... well.. anyway, he still is a bit weird but oh well. Don't worry, he's not that important, and he'll never get a name. 

Comments and Reviews are always great! 


	4. Chapter 3

Something is finally happening! I was debating whether or not the turning point will begin here, but.. hummm... Believe it or not, I decided Merle's fate with the toss of a coin. luck or no luck, luck or no luck.... 

Parts of these passages were inspired by Fuu-chan's The Other Side of Twilight and Night Painted Hearts. They are great Kenshin x Tokyo Bablyon crossovers, and the plot is very intriguing and dark. Its one of the most in depth stories I read. Very strongly recommended.. uhh.. I don't have the url at the moment, but I'll add it to the next story when I find it. 

Uhh.. I know my author notes are unusually long... gomen gomen. I'm posting a lot lately, usually, I'm a lurker. Anywayz. I'm trying to get this story out of my system so I can finally get the archive going. This chapter was a bit rushed.... 

Flames are great, I don't mind them. But if you start flaming me about how my bangs love to "express" themselves during dry weather, then you and me got some issues to settle... privately.... }>[ Any comments and reviews are always welcome! Thanks for all those reviews! 

Standard disclaimers apply. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
Crash and Burn - chapter 3   
by Jenn aka Rubie  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Hitomi laid out her tarot cards again, her hands confident and sure. After years of sitting alone in her room, reading fortunes at night gave her an exceptional sixth sense. She knew that she should have given up her cards. But she found it hard to let go. To her, reading the future was a game. It was interesting. It was enjoyable. And it was her only window to the outside world. 

It was addicting. It was a drug. And she had to have more. 

But what was starting to bother her that Gaea gave her heightened senses. She did not need her cards anymore when she wanted to read fortunes. But if she closed her eyes and gently blended the coldness of her room, the hardness of the unforgiving metal walls, the sharp yet icy lights that filled her small, confined room, she could see it in her mind's eye. She could feel the world around her. And if she spread her fingers in front of her closed eyes, she could feel the illness of people's hearts, the sickening death in the air, and the frustrations eating away. She could feel the delicate strings of fate, gently yet firmly guiding everyone to the imminent outcome. It did not yield. It did not break. It twisted itself around anything and everything. And it was beautiful. 

Possessing such power was something she never experienced before. She felt a strange wave of ecstasy. That knowledge that she knew all, that she felt all. No one could keep any secrets from her. The future was so obvious, it became absurd. 

A man is going to walk past the door angrily. Right now. 

He is going to the room behind that corner. It belongs to Zaibach. The door is going to shut... now. 

He is going to speak to Van's brother, the emperor of Zaibach through a jewel in his ear.... now. 

They're going to discuss how to deal with me. 

At that point, she felt laughter rising within her. Those men thought that they had privacy, but shutting and locking doors. They call us fools... yet they're to ones who are foolish. To think that they have authority. To think that they are in control. No... everyone is strung in webs of fate. They are unchangeable. And they're the ones with true power. 

But that joy turned into horror as she realized she was tangled in the web of fate. Horribly and hopelessly so. She tugged at her throat, at her face, clawed at her arms so frantically that crimson beads appeared, but she could not remove it. And when she saw and felt what those beautiful strings led, she was terrified. She did not want to know the future. She didn't want it anymore. She wanted it go away. She wanted everything to go away. 

*** 

Van dragged a large bag of shredded paper to the door of his office and sighed. What was he thinking? These documents will have to recopied, provided that the original was not lost. Things will be hopelessly delayed. A complete waste of time... 

He smoothed out his navy blue shirt. The sleeves were bothering him and it felt confining. But it never bothered him before. What's wrong with him lately? 

He returned to his desk and set the silverware from his lunch aside. Usually, he would eat in the privacy of him room, but today, he did not want to face her. He preferred silence anyway. The food was barely touched; he made a mental note to pour some soup into the drain, just to not upset Merle. He leaned over to reach across his desk, picking up the light glass bowls. It was ice cold, but his hands were burning. No, his arms were burning. His back... his head... The room dimmed with a crimson hue and a loud buzz filled his ears. He blinked in confusion. The buzzing grew louder, until he could feel them pounding at his temples. The room swirled like a disturbed reflection from a pool of water. The glass windows were dilating, stretching, growing strange arms that reached across the rooms to tear at the ceiling. They melted together like ice, and rose with the pulsing in his head. What was going on? The bowl in his hands struck the silver tiles with a loud crash, and the glass fragments scattered across the floor. 

It hurts. 

The metallic floor swayed before flying up to hit him. Glass dug into his arms, and something was tugging at his chest. His neck tensed and snapped back. He could hear a sickening crack. The glass cups slid and rocked off his desk, shattering on the unforgiving tiles. Something was clawing at him from within, tugging at his nerves and shredding his veins. He could barely contain a scream. He fell forward again, this time on his face. The pain intensified, and he gasped for air. He heard some voices and a flutter of noise, but he could not tell if it was merely the tricks of his mind. He tried to see, but there was only an endless sea of blood. He leaned forward on his hands, trying to steady himself. Something moist struck his hands. 

Water? 

A knife grinded in his chest and he retched. 

*** 

"Hitomi!!" 

The jade eyed girl stared at her as if she had been expecting her for some time. She was thickly dressed for the spring cold, but the room was uncomfortably warm. She looked like she was ready for a journey, Merle noted. There was a distant look in her eyes, as if her thoughts were not with her body. 

"I know..." 

Merle was instantly annoyed, and Hitomi's indifference made her angry. "How could you say that? He's dying, and that's all you can say?! I've called you back for nothing!" 

She shook her head, as her comments did not affect her. "It is not his time just yet. But...," her eyes became hesitant, "could you do something for us?" 

*** 

Merle pressed her back against the unsteady boxes, her breath caught in her throat. The mechanics were examining the contraption now, trying to figure out what was wrong with it. The sorcerers looked annoyed and approached them. One opened his mouth to say something that she couldn't hear, and they began to loosen the machine and pull it away from the ivory giant. 

Yes... move away. Move away from Escaflowne. 

They had begun taking apart the Ispano Guymelef shortly after the sun had set. Merle scowled... They lied. They said two days... Van-sama said they'll give him two days... and it was barely a day since the ambassador told them about the upcoming situation. They lied! Or did Van-sama lie...just so she wouldn't be sad? 

She fingered the metal bolt. Everything happened just as Hitomi predicted. Van's recent situation.... their future obligations... everything... Everything to the last detail. But Hitomi didn't tell her about what will happen after she stole the bolt. That disturbed her. She glanced at the men again, waiting for them to move further. They were gathered in a circle now, pointing to the spot where the bolt was missing. They were speaking softly, eyeing the room incredulously. Merle could feel her muscles tense. They're suspecting.... Something above her creaked in agreement. 

"There! Behind those boxes!" 

Shit!! 

Merle dropped to her feet and launched herself forward as fast as she could. She instinctively sprinting for the small crack on the side of the Escaflowne shrine, where she made her entrance. The sky outside was pitch black, veiled by stormy clouds. The night was her allay. Its shadows enveloped her protectively. Be calm, she told herself. Be calm. What was there to lose? Zaibach will not dare kill her. 

But I'm going to die... 

I'm really going to die... 

She rounded a sharp turn, her feline eyes quick in distinguishing detail in the shadows. There were several tall trees here; she'll be safe. She scrambled up the closest one she saw with cat like agility. She must hide. Hide as deep and far as she can. Voices passed beneath her, and she relaxed slightly. A light was blazing from a nearby window, sending streaks of brightness across the branches. Flames licked at the windows, leaving scorched marks. The interior was almost entirely consumed. The fire looked for more to fuel its fury. Merle grimaced. Van will never be able to restore his room from that. 

"There! In that tree!" 

Merle cringed. She hadn't been paying attention to the people around her. She threw herself at the castle roof, a final and desperate attempt to escape. Her paws connected with the metal sure and firm, but it skid on the slippery surface. Her legs gave out under her, and she frantically groped at the metal with her hands. But there was no stone, no crack, or even an uneven surface to aid her. A frightened cry escaped her lips. The sky pulled away and the stars grew distant. 

She was falling.   
  
  
End of chapter  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
Just when something started happening, I cut this chapter short. URG! 

Hitomi still has a breakdown coming. Uhh.. Merle's fate is still a mystery until I can toss more coins. Dilly-sama will come soon... This chapter was going to extend longer, but I cut it short since Merle fall was a nice ending. uhh... okay... in other words I was lazy so I took a short way out. This chapter was a bit rushed, since I hit writers block. I got out of it by hurting people... uh... writing inner monologues is really easy.. when it comes to dialogue... >.< Well..anyway.... moving on..... uhhh... 

I swear I did NOT intend to make Hitomi sound insane!!! Uhh.. *eats chocolates* uhh... uhhh..... uhhhhhhhhhhh..... 

I promise I'll work on the archive! It's getting way behind and all those authors I've emailed are no doubt getting impatient. Gomennasi!!!!! I WILL work on it, right after I'm done with this chapter. Chapter 4 will probably be very much delayed... but the archive will be receiving some updates... Then once I'm done loading those fics, I can get around to emailing more authors... =} 

Ohhh... a side note: I'm trying to put together an escaflowne fanficition awards site for 2001. The web page is up, but no info is added. url: www.geocities.com/aoiawards If you're interested in being a judge or helping me with my crappy html, please email me. Uhh.. I'm not sure if I should post the info here on the fanfiction list.... humm.... try looking on the info section of the site. If its not on there, then you can stick little acupunture needles in my back. Uhh... nah.... Otherwise, go to www.egroups.com/messages/escaflownefanfiction there's info posted there, post # 2067 


	5. Chapter 4

Yet another change! This is the 4th post.... at the rate things are going, I probably should  
finish the entire story then post it one by one. urgggg... I finally watched episode 24 and  
25.... urgg... I screwed up. umm.. the major revision begins in chapter 5. Those of you  
how already read it... clear Hitomi's words from your brain. ^^;;;   
  
nothing much changed.. I just removed the flashback from chapter 4.  
  
Van's personality changed yet again.... he's more insecure now.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------  
Crash and Burn - chapter 4  
by Rubie aka Jenn  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------   
  
Dryden sighed and sank back into his deeply cushioned seat. It was comfortable, unlike  
most practical Zaibach furniture. He preferred the old lavishness anyway. But he had to  
admit his life was not strongly altered by Zaibach's control. In fact, they almost seemed to  
yield to him. They needed his favor, he knew, since his father owned much of the energist  
mines to the west of Fanelia.   
  
He didn't like them though. They were so... false... A group of poorly trained dissenters.  
He could laugh in their faces.   
  
And he would have, that time, if Millerna wasn't there. She gave him a frightened  
warning glance and he was silenced. She had changed so much in the past years. How  
long was it since he saw her last? Two... almost two and a half years?   
  
Sighing again, he looked at the letter. The ink was still fresh; the black had not begun to  
fade to the dark brown just yet.   
  
/The girl has returned./   
  
Unbelievable. Unthinkable. Impossible. But, what else could lightning be without  
thunder?   
  
But what surprised him in the past and still do now, was that the boy king was still alive.  
Zaibach had supposedly dismantled Escaflowne shortly after their victory, and he  
assumed the stubborn boy would die with it. But it was not declared; it wasn't even  
mentioned. They made no attempt to clarify it either. And Escaflowne was always a  
sensitive subject he carefully avoided with Fanelia and Zaibach. Even if Escaflowne still  
existed, it certainly had long since died in people's hearts. It had become a myth. And a  
myth cannot become reality.   
  
He scowled in frustration as he watched the paved Fanelian streets from his carriage  
window. The skies were a murky gray, a precedent for a coming storm. The houses shone  
with artificial light. The sun was just beginning to set and the shadows twisted beneath  
feet. They were dancing. They were laughing. They were taunting him.   
  
In disgust, he pulled the curtain shut. But he could not deny the feeling of guilt and regret.  
He should have spoken out against Zaibach when they executed Allen. It would have  
made Millerna happy. He should have spoken out against them with they exploited  
Austria, Fried, and Fanelia. It would have made these people happy. Then maybe he  
wouldn't be in the situation he was in now. But his father and advisors would have been  
furious. And that would be suicide. Only rash fools would follow that path. And He was  
not a fool.   
  
The carriage jointed to a stop at the gates of the courtyard. A few murmurs were heard  
before they swung open, and he was inside. He stepped from the carriage and approached  
the guard at the castle's door. The foolish boy's eyes widened in recognition and bowed  
hastily.   
  
"Dr--Dryden-sama!" he stuttered.   
  
"I have something to discuss with the king."   
  
"The boy's head was still bowed, but his hesitance was obvious. "But... the ambassador is  
not here to approve of it..."   
  
"The king does not need an ambassador to bind him. Step aside." Almost harshly, he  
shoved the young guard to one side and stepped into the main hall. Instantly, he shivered.  
The room was dark.   
  
Artificial.   
  
Surreal.   
  
Lifeless.   
  
He followed the steps sure and firm to the boy king's office. He knew the castle well,  
since he visited often. But he was not fond of the boy. It was different three years ago, but  
since their defeat, he had been acting more and more like his brother. That thought was  
mortifying.   
  
He lifted his hand to knock, just as a loud shatter was heard. Then a few muffled groans.  
Forgetting the formalities, he shoved the door open.   
  
"Van!"   
  
The boy king was on the floor, his arms in a pile of glass, his desk creaked as his body  
banged against it. His back was wrenching violently, and he clutched at his chest with his  
hand. His face was twisted in a painful scowl as he tried to harness the pain. He  
approached the boy in long strides, but hesitated as he stepped closer. What was going  
on?   
  
The boy's back gave a final lurch and he retched. Blood flowed freely from his mouth,  
staining the tiles and his arm clutched his chest. Then he fell forward, broken.   
  
He wasn't sure if he should touch him. His mind was hazy as he desperately wondered  
what he should do. He had an overwhelming urge to leave.... To run away and pretend he  
was never there to see.... Then he wouldn't hold any responsibility for the boy king... But  
he could not leave the boy lying in his office floor, half dead. Behind him, a soft click  
betrayed a closing door. He jumped to his feet.   
  
A girl he did not readily recognize stood in front of the silvery door. She was not tall,  
maybe half a foot shorter than the boy king, and her body was concealed thickly in a long  
dark coat. But the way she carried herself screamed for attention. No.. she wasn't  
confident... just so... certain. But it was not herself. Her eyes were gray and calculating.  
He did not like her. She was intimidating.   
  
Then....   
  
"You!"   
  
She looked at him with the same empty stare. "You shouldn't have done that."   
  
He was confused. "Done what?"   
  
"Sent the guard away like that. You should have bribed him."   
  
Despite her obvious retort, he felt a strange amusement. "That's not right. I expected  
something different from a girl from the Illusionary moon."   
  
"No, do what's good, not what's right. If you bribed him, then he wouldn't be running for  
the ambassador right now."   
  
He glared. "What are you saying?"   
  
"We must leave, with Van and Escaflowne."   
  
His eyes widened in surprise, but she didn't reply, and motioned him to be silent. He  
frowned again. So Escaflowne had not been dismantled. Folken must be holding his  
strings well. The fact that he was a Fanelian prince reduced his status in Zaibach. Yet he  
still managed to control his subjects perfectly. Even when his brother was the king of  
Fanelia. Even when he obviously disobeyed Dornkirk's wishes in preserving Escaflowne.  
Even when he ignored their persistent requests. He wondered how he was able to  
disregard the increasing influence from the nobles and the sorcerers to perfect the fate  
machine, and gain power and control.   
  
Steps approaching were heard on the stairs. His mind spun wildly, and he could feel his  
back tense with horror. The guards were coming.... They were going to find him.. Who  
knew what would become of this... His reputation... His property....   
  
The girl didn't move or react, and he glared.   
  
They stopped beside the door, and he froze. He could feel his blood chilling as he looked  
around frantically for an escape.   
  
A pause, and he held his breath.   
  
"Fire!"   
  
***   
  
The engines roared to life and Dryden grinned despite himself. The information was  
flawless. The ship was a Zaibach merchant ship. No country would dare intervene or  
question their actions. That girl from the Illusionary Moon, in less than ten minutes, gave  
him a detailed description of the Zaibach's new guymelelfs. Then she described the  
mountain pass they would take to reach Austria with almost perfect detail. Her plan made  
him uncomfortable, since he did not favor into hiding out in Dilandau's empire, but the  
method she had explained Austria's recent conditions convinced him.   
  
/Dilandau returns to Austria only twice a year, under pressure from Van's brother. He just  
left Austria a week ago, so he won't be returning any time soon. The courtiers fear  
Millerna-san's temper. They will not question her. Millerna has no wish to say in the  
court either. She usually visits the forest towards the north of Austria around this time of  
the year. We can meet her there./   
  
Amazing. Disturbing. But he had to admit she was gifted.   
  
He could hear frantic footsteps rushing past the ship, oblivious to their presence. Flames,  
they screamed. Flames were licking at the king's chambers.   
  
Dryden grinned broadly. The girl was quite gifted.   
  
Moments before his arrival, she had set fire to the boy king's room. She must have  
predicted the exact minutes of their arrival and planned it out carefully. She must have  
had courage too... to set fire to a room without any regret or hesitation.   
  
He felt strangely blissful from the recent developments, as if the events had given him a  
renewed spirit. But at the same time, he dreaded where the new path would lead him. He  
had much to lose.. and little to gain. Reducing Zaibach's power would no doubt reduce  
his father's wealth as well.   
  
But at the same time, he felt satisfied. For what, he was not sure. But perhaps his actions  
now where justifying what he did three years ago. He ran away... because he couldn't face  
the truth. But he wasn't sure if he even knew what the truth was. Was it defeat? Or was it  
his cowardice?   
  
He wasn't sure if he wanted to know...   
  
Still, he felt a strange sense of complacence. The fact that he was fighting gave him a  
sense of joy that fed his personal hatred for Zaibach. Yes... they ruined him. They made  
him into what he was now. They took away everything he took pride in, and made him  
materialistic. They made him like themselves, so that they could control him.   
  
But now... now, Zaibach could not announce the boy king's disappearance without  
adequate proof without revealing the videos from their escape. They would instantly give  
away the presence of the heroine from their myths. Then in Gaea, a frantic and wild hope  
would arise, and Zaibach would find their power diminishing. They could not announce  
the disappearance of Escaflowne without betraying their weakness. They were trapped.  
So whatever war they were going to wage, they must do it privately.   
  
And whatever escape they made, they were going to do it blatantly.   
  
/Fly low./ she had told him. /Make as much noise as possible./   
  
Of course... so that the villages could see and hear and discover that their king was  
missing. With the rumors spreading like wildfire throughout the town and the Zaibach  
guards running through the castle, who knew what the people of Fanelia would think. But  
whatever they thought, it would probably be against Zaibach's favor.   
  
"What about that cat girl?" he asked as he turned to the solitary figure, sitting behind him  
in the stolen merchant craft.   
  
"She's not coming."   
  
He was surprised. "Why?"   
  
"Fate."   
  
***   
  
Van gasped for breath, desperately trying to drag his mind from the depths of its repose.  
A dream. A nightmare. A flashback of the past.... a past that he forged. The path that he  
chose. He didn't want to see it. He hated it, but at the same time, he felt that he had an  
obligation to suffer.   
  
Not that he saw the last days of his friend's life... the execution... He had been imprisoned  
and didn't learn of it days afterwards. But the dream of Allen and Folken's conversation,  
he had heard clips of. He saw pieces of videos that he secretly stole from the ambassador.  
Those he played over and over again until the quality wore thin and the sound was barely  
audible. He obsessed over it, he knew, and how strange it was for the mind to add life  
when there was none.   
  
And how ironic it was for the mind to torture itself.   
  
He had been the cause of the death of his closest friend. Even to the last moments of his  
life, Allen had tried to protect him and possibly his future. He sacrificed his entire crew  
and himself for hope that he would have a chance to right himself.   
  
But he failed him.   
  
What wouldn't he do to change that? What wouldn't he give? He would give everything  
that he still owned. Everything that he had a right to give. He would not give another's  
life. He would not give something that did not belong to him. And Fanelia did not belong.  
The only thing he truly owned was his life, and he wondered if that was worth offering.  
Repulsive, they would say. A boy with a broken spirit. A coward who ran from his own  
shadows. A king who lived as a puppet tangled in an impossible web of fate and politics.  
His life would probably be worthless.   
  
A jerk of the bed abruptly pulled him out of his thoughts. It was then he noticed that his  
room was strangely dim, and the surface that his back rested on was rough and hard. The  
windows glowed with a soft white, betraying a clouded moon in the night sky. The  
ceiling was low and lined with metal frames. The rest, however, had a economical metal  
alloy that he recognized as part of a leviship. His clothes had been changed. He wore a  
large oversized shirt that he did not recognize as his own.   
  
Where was he?   
  
He dragged himself out of the bed wearily, noting the soreness of his limbs. There was a  
strange coppery taste in his mouth that he identified as blood, and memories were  
suddenly distinct in his mind. Muffling a groan, he pushed himself to his feet and  
stumbled towards the door. He leaned on it heavily for a moment, breathing raggedly.   
Escaflowne... he had to see it... where was it?   
  
The door opened outwards, a fact that he had learned too late. He almost flew into the  
hallway when the ground gave a sudden lurch.   
  
A Zaibach merchant ship.   
  
He was on a Zaibach merchant ship.   
  
There was a crest on the door handle. He touched the same crest everyday when he passed  
from his room to his office, when he passed from his office to the hall. How could he  
forget? For a moment, he felt an inexpressible emotion rage. But he wasn't sure he even  
knew what he felt, or why he felt that way.   
  
The room was too dim to see anything, but there were soft footsteps approaching. At that  
instant, he wanted to attack the advancing figure.   
  
He was losing control... He had begun losing control since the day she came back. He  
hated what she did to him.   
  
He remained still in the shadows until the footsteps paused beside him. They were so  
close that he could have reached out at touched the person. For a moment, he was  
tempted to wrestle the man to the ground and snap his neck.   
  
But that wouldn't be wise.   
  
But it would make him feel a lot more comfortable. For a moment, he was torn between  
hiding or acting. Then he flung himself at the figure. He thought he struck empty air, but  
his hands connected, sure and firm. There was a muffled gasp and he felt himself falling.  
His legs were somewhat unsteady, and his rusted senses were off. He did not know the  
exact location of his enemy, but he was sure he had him by the neck.   
  
Someone was screaming... It took a moment to realize it was himself. But it was a scream  
of suppressed hate and anger that even he did not realize he possessed.   
  
A bright light brightened the hall instantly. The shadows danced off from his face and  
arms, a sharp contrast to the soft moonlight glow in his room. It took a moment for him to  
register that he was kneeling on his enemy's ribs, and his hands were clutching at her  
neck desperately.   
  
"Hit -- Hitomi!" he whispered.   
  
He pulled himself to his feet unsteadily, trying to control his expressions. She stared at  
him with a inexplicable empty stare; a stare completely different from the one a night  
before. They were regretful before, but now... now they were cold and pitiless. There  
were distinct finger marks on her neck that were rapidly swelling. She didn't even try to  
stand up. Strangely, the emotion was still raging in his mind. He wanted desperately to  
hurt something. Anything. Just make something feel pain. He knew should feel sorry.. he  
should feel guilty. Why couldn't he? He tried to force his face back into the mask of  
indifference that was his shield, but it didn't seem to fit him as well as it did before.   
  
He glanced over at the man who held the lamp and felt brief surprise. Dryden stood at the  
hallway with a strange glare in his eyes. For a moment, Van wasn't sure what to say.   
  
He flashed a polite smile and bowed. "Dryden. Its nice to see you again."   
  
He kept his head bowed. He had an idea he didn't want to see their expressions. There  
was a prolonged silence with neither of them bothered to break.   
  
"That's it? No questions? No inquiries? Van, you've really become a puppet."   
  
No emotion registered through his face despite Dryden's obvious retort. He should be  
annoyed at that statement, but he could feel no anger. Good... he's under control. He did  
not become a puppet by choice. It was not his fault. But despite his efforts to calm  
himself, he felt strangely uncomfortable. He didn't like their prying eyes. He didn't want  
to be stared at. Their gaze was so... obtrusive. He found himself wondering what they  
were thinking abut him. He could feel a heat creeping up his neck. He almost wished  
Merle was there. At least she understood him and provided support.   
  
Don't look at me, he thought. Stop judging me.  
  
He raised his eyes to meet Dryden's expectantly. "I was hoping you would tell me  
without me having to ask."   
  
An amused grin. Dryden did not like him, he noted. The way his eyes looked at him; they  
were similar to those guards that watched in fear and awe, but with a mixture of disgust.   
  
"We're on our way to Asturia. Escaflowne is safe. That cat girl is....," he paused and  
looked at the figure still sitting on the floor. "I'm sure your friend will explain."   
  
Merle... what happened to Merle?   
  
Still no emotion. His mask was beginning to fit him better. No.. something happened to  
Merle. He discomfort grew, and he felt a strange unnamed emotion wrench at his heart  
and cloud his mind. He could no longer tame it. Why couldn't he feel worried?   
  
He glanced at the figure leaning against the wall.   
  
"Sorry about that. I thought I was among enemies," he said.   
  
There.. apologize. Think about other things. Stop questioning yourself. No... he had an  
obligation to Merle. He had an obligation to her. Why couldn't he feel worried? Had he  
really become his mask?   
  
"At least you still had some survival instinct," Dryden chuckled softly. "From the way  
Hitomi talked about you, she made you sound like a vegetable."   
  
A pause. He wasn't sure what to say. Hitomi shifted on the floor slightly.   
  
"A vegetable is the lowest on the food chain. I guess I wasn't too far off when I implied  
that everyone fed and trampled vegetables underfoot."   
  
  
End of chapter 4  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------  
Umm.... urgg... something is still not right. I can't figure out what it is. I keep getting  
stuck on chapter 4. Its a black hole.. i can't run around it, I can't jump over it... I hafta fall  
into it. URG!   
  
I just realized... after 5 chapters that I've been spelling Asturia wrong the entire time!!!!!  
URRRRRRG!!! I kept spelling it Austria! history brainwashes people I swear... umm.... if  
you see any such mistakes, pleaaaaase tell me. I don't mind! I need critisim!!  



	6. Chapter 5

This story changed yet again...... those who read the last post.... erase what Hitomi said  
to Van. Its decided to keep that secret till chapter 6. ^_^;;;; I shoud have planned this out  
better....  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Crash and Burn - chapter 5  
by Rubie aka Jenn  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Folken tapped his fingers against the metal alloy of his right arm impatiently. The cloak  
muffled the sound perfectly, giving him the facade of one whose composure was  
flawless.  
  
"We lost them in the mountain pass."  
  
His eyes were unfocused on the metallic walls, watching the grotesque display of  
dancing lights from the city below. He tapped his fingers, slightly louder this time.  
  
"They're on their way to Austria!" the ambassador continued.  
  
"That's obvious," he sighed almost impatiently.  
  
"Folken-sama," the voice was curt and annoyed, "This is an act of rebellion! We must  
declare war. We must bring--"  
  
"No."  
  
"But Folken-sama," the voice gained resolve. "We must destroy them to set an example.  
We must kill that cat girl. We must--"  
  
"No." The answer was final and he offered no explanations. It took awhile for the  
ambassador to realize this. "Send the prisoner to me unharmed. I would like to question  
her personally."  
  
"Y-- yes," the ambassador said quickly and excused himself.  
  
So his brother ran away. He could not decide whether he was amused or angered.  
Amused because of his brother's undying spirit. Angered because of Zaibach's  
threatened control.  
  
You're amused, a voice told him.  
  
He crushed that thought immediately. No, he explained mentally, I feel a mixture of  
both.  
  
Denial, denial. It chanted.  
  
Folken silently wondered when the voice in his head began to sound like Dilandau. Or  
perhaps he was always the more maniacal one, who only adopted the method of hiding  
his insanity. He frowned inwardly.  
  
Not true, he told it.  
  
He's your brother, it retorted.  
  
He paused at that. His mind certainly had an interesting way of torturing itself. True,  
Van was his brother. Was. He was not anymore. And Folken could hardly blame him. If  
a close kin betrayed him, killed his people, and made him a puppet, he would surly hate  
him too.  
  
But he's still my brother, even if I am not his.  
  
You're pathetic, the voice echoed.  
  
He ignored it.  
  
But no matter how much his brother hated him, isolated himself from him, tried to  
forget him, he still felt that bond. But it was a one-sided relationship. He loved his  
brother. His brother hated him. How ironic.  
  
His brother was young when he left him. Folken was in his teens. He had shared those  
most memorable years with his brother, and he remembered them clearly. But Van had  
been a mere boy, and idolized him in his mind as someone unreal. Almost like a god.  
And that image could easily be shattered with age.   
  
But Van was still his brother. Folken sighed inaudibly. He did sound pathetic.  
  
"Officer," he called to his wire filled office. The monitor close to his desk buzzed and  
flashed to life, and a faded image appeared. "Send five guymelefs to Austria. Tell them,  
they are on a friendly visit. Do not alarm the nobles. Send our older models. Instruct  
them to look for a Zaibach merchant ship coming from the direction of Fanelia."  
  
The officer nodded hastily and the image died. Folken grimaced visibly. He was not  
sure if he did the right thing, but if he openly sent guymelefs, the nobles would rage  
about the recent developments. That internal conflict in Zaibach could trigger rebellion  
in the oppressed countries. The recent policies had not been favorable, and he tried to  
prevent them from taking root. However, the sorcerers and politicians were gaining  
control and influence. They fail to realize they were only brewing resentment, and  
ultimately, their own downfall.  
  
And they thought monarchs were all powerful. Perhaps if they were gods, they might.  
But politicians could never be gods.   
  
Even with the fate machine.  
  
***  
  
Van crushed another beetle with the edge of the nail he discovered on the floor. Their  
shiny black shells gave away under the silver alloy, and the creamy substance gushed  
around his fingers. Its little legs smeared across the wooden table.  
  
It felt good hurting something.  
  
And every time an insect spilled its guts across the wood grains, he felt a strange wave  
of ecstasy. It seemed like every beetle he killed, he saw flashes of those who were  
guilty. The ambassador, those sorcerers, Dilandau.... Folken. Folken he rejoiced in  
crushing most of all. That man who gave him empty promises in his childhood. That  
man who took away everything that meant something to him. After all, he was the king  
of Zaibach. Who else could be responsible for Zaibach's actions? But then, sometimes,  
when a beetle died, he saw visions of himself. He would frown then, wondering if  
perhaps he was only trying to share his guilt with others. If perhaps he really was the  
one who was most guilty for their defeat. If perhaps he really was guilty for Merle's  
current situation.  
  
He was confused. He couldn't decide who to kill, Folken or himself.  
  
He tapped the table with the nail impatiently, waiting for another prey to crawl out  
between the wooden cracks.  
  
"What's the point of screaming if no one can hear you, Van?"  
  
He looked up in surprise. Hitomi stood at the doorway to his room on the leviship,  
leaning against the frame as if she had been there for some time. He grimaced inwardly,  
wondering how long she had been there watching him. But that unnamed emotion still  
raged, overpowering all other thoughts. He should feel guilty and ashamed, he knew.  
But he only felt strangely annoyed.  
  
"What are you talking about?" he asked with a slight smile.  
  
"You're screaming with your desire for vengeance."  
  
He paused. Was that what he wanted? Vengeance? No... he was just annoyed. And  
frustrated. But not vengeful.  
  
"Stop lying to yourself," Hitomi said.  
  
He blinked. Her perceptiveness was uncanny. He felt himself shift uncomfortably. He  
did not want someone prying into his thoughts.  
  
Footsteps. He glanced up and noticed Hitomi beginning to turn and walk down the hall.  
  
"Wait," he called out before he could stop himself. Why did he ask her to wait? Wasn't  
she bothering him?  
  
She froze and turned slowly.  
  
Van frowned, searching his mind for something to say. "Hitomi... I...," he sighed again.  
There really wasn't anything he could say to her. He feared what she might reply to his  
statements. She would probably insult him in that roundabout way and leave him raging  
for hours. "I...," he paused again and flicked the nail in his hand against the wall. "I'm  
tired of this."  
  
She blinked in surprise.  
  
"I think we should stop lying to each other. I'm tired of pretending that we've never  
known each other. I'm tired of pretending there was never anything between us. I'm  
tired of pretending that we're enemies."  
  
"I know," she whispered.  
  
He looked up at her in surprise.  
  
"I understand. You are confused. Your only tie to reality was Merle. She understood  
you. She didn't lie to you. She kept no secrets from you. And you want someone to take  
her place. You've never realized how much she meant to you until you've lost her. Even  
now, you don't understand how much its cost you. But she's alive. I wouldn't lie to you  
about that," she looked at him for a moment. "But I can't take her place."  
  
"I'm not asking you to take Merle's place, Hitomi," he said.  
  
"That's exactly what you're thinking. Van, you don't understand how much a person  
means to you until you've lost them. Then its too late, Van."  
  
"That's not what I'm trying to say. I think we should stop running from each other."  
  
Her expression twisted slightly, and she walked in long strides to his table. She placed  
her hands down roughly. For a moment, he felt a strange fear.  
  
"Van, its you whose running. You're trying to flee from reality. You lock yourself in  
your memories, reliving those moments of hate, anger, frustration. Why don't you lock  
yourself in the memories of happiness, Van? Why?"  
  
Perhaps he still loved war. Perhaps he still needed to kill. Perhaps he was just as  
bloodthirsty as Dilandau, but only worse since he was in denial.  
  
He shifted uncomfortably. He looked at the table and fingered the wood grains with the  
greatest attention. She was confusing him. She was breaking him. For a moment, he  
desperately wanted to flee from his room and hide himself in the far corner of the  
leviship. He bit his lip, trying to surppress his emotions. When he was sure he was ready  
to face her, he turned and forced a smile on his face.  
  
Because I don't deserve happiness, he wanted to say. But somehow, he doubted the  
truthfulness of that statement. He paused, trying to put his thoughts into words.  
  
"Van, that doesn't matter," Hitomi began again. "Who was guilty of our defeat doesn't  
matter. It was part of the past. Knowing it won't change anything. We've been trying to  
run away from that fact. We were afraid of facing the truth, but in fact we did not even  
know what the truth was. We thought that we were guilty of everyone's pain, but in  
reality everyone was guilty. It was not entirely our fault. Yet we thought it was, and ran  
from lies. Lies that we created only because we couldn't accept defeat. We could not  
live with pain, so we lied to ourselves in a false belief that we could have done  
something significant. But that was foolish. That was not even important."  
  
Van blinked in surprise. He understood what she implied. She was asking him to  
forgive. And he wanted to forgive, but he found it hard to let go. She made it sound so  
easy. Just tell himself that things were not Folken-sama and his fault could not change  
what he had hoarded for three years.   
  
"Then what is important?" he asked. He sounded like a lost child, he mused. She must  
believe that he was foolish and repulsive. But he found himself wanting her trust. He  
found himself desperately hoping for her to understand him.  
  
"What do you believe is important?" she said.  
  
He frowned silently. I want to win, he almost heard his mind whisper. But he held his  
tongue. He hated losing. He would never lose again.  
  
"You're guilty of your own self-destruction. You're the one who made yourself lose.  
Your brother had nothing to do with it."  
  
"Shut up!" He froze, mentally slapping himself. Why had he reacted so strongly against  
her statement? He looked away, embarrassed. He offended her. He didn't mean to yell at  
her.  
  
"The truth burns, Van. It hurts, doesn't it? But you know what? People who loves lies  
are those who convince themselves that they're seeing the truth. There's nothing more  
pathetic than a man who stares at a wall and declares it the sky. You're staring at a black  
wall, Van. And that wall is reflecting just what you want to see. What is the truth, Van?  
Do you even know?"  
  
He winced visibly, and he struggled to hide his expressions under his mask. She was  
breaking it. He hated what she did to him.  
  
"Folken-san still loves you. But you hate him as much as you hate yourself."  
  
His mask broke then. He hugged his face with his hands and cowered near the table. He  
could feel himself trembling slightly as he struggled to pull himself together.  
  
"That's not true! He ruined me. He ruined all of us!"  
  
"But what did you do? What did I do? We're still the most responsible."  
  
"No! You weren't guilty for anything, Hitomi. But I stood aside and I let him. I let him!  
He ruined us all."  
  
His voice was muffled against the table. Words seemed to be forming themselves in his  
mouth although he did not will them. Shut up! He told himself. He was losing it. He  
really was out of control now.  
  
There was a prolonged silence, but he did not look up. For a moment, he thought she  
had left his room. Then the table tilted as an additional weight was added, and he  
stiffened.  
  
"What do you want, Van?"  
  
The voice was gentle, almost condescending. He paused, searching his mind for  
something to say.  
  
"I want to win."  
  
"Win what?"  
  
"I want to win this time, if I fight."  
  
"Do you want to fight?"  
  
He paused again, and let his arms drop from his face. He stared at the wood grains again  
and sighed. "Hitomi, will you answer some questions?"  
  
"If I can, I will."  
  
"If I fight, how much would it cost me?"  
  
She was silent for a moment, and he thought she would not answer her question.  
  
Then she took a breath and looked at the wall, expressionless. "A brother, and a lifetime  
of regret."  
  
He snorted. "I wouldn't regret killing him."  
  
"I don't care what you do. Just don't do anything you'll regret in the future," she said  
quietly.  
  
He felt a brief surprise at her statement, knowing exactly what she implied. The past...  
he held onto his pride.... he brought about their downfall. No. That was not true. And  
besides, that was part of the reason why he wanted to eliminate enemies. It was Zaibach  
who was behind it all.  
  
"I won't regret killing him," he repeated.  
  
She shrugged, and neither of them said anything for a moment. But it was easier when  
she didn't speak. It put him at ease, to know that there was someone there. To know that  
he was not alone. But he feared knowing what she thought of him  
  
***  
  
Hitomi noted the discomforting silence that settled over the room. She welcomed it. She  
didn't enjoy talking. It was so much easier observing the play, and watching the actors  
act out their script. Only this was a play she had seen hundreds of times, and she knew  
every detail. It was boring. It was tedious. She wanted it to end.  
  
But at the same time, she didn't. Life may be tedious. Life may be painful. But for some  
reason, she found it hard to let go. What would it do to Van? she wondered. He'd lost so  
much already.  
  
But it was not like she was going to be given a choice.  
  
She wondered dully what death would be like. Would it be an eternal sleep in darkness,  
or was there another life? Or would she still stay, only unseen by the living? She  
grinned inwardly. She'd probably be a restless spirit, wandering Gaea because of her  
unfinished business. She wanted to stay and watch the end of recent developments. It  
would be a lot more convenient. Dying would be like running away again.  
  
But her decision was already made.  
  
She shifted in her seat at the table, and marveled at how the delicate threads curved  
around her wrist and twisted itself around her body. She could barely feel them, but they  
were there. She didn't even need to focus now. She could see them sharply against the  
wooden walls. They glowed in a secret light. The webs seemed to dance in perfect  
harmony. It was fascinating. The webs were far more fascinating than any human. She  
could stare at it for hours without feeling lonely or bored. What was the point in  
observing people when she could observe their script?  
  
Folken is going to hear of this situation... now.  
  
He's going to send for Merle... right now.  
  
He is going to dispatch five guymelefs... now.  
  
She almost smiled bitterly. Folken thought he was protecting Van, but in reality, he was  
paving the way for his own downfall. But perhaps it was better to die at the hands of a  
loved one, with mercy, than at the hands of politics. That would be the saddest death of  
all.  
  
"Van, do you think you can live with the knowledge that you've killed your brother?"  
she asked silently.  
  
He looked down for a moment, and grinned. "He's not my brother. He hasn't been my  
brother for thirteen years. And he deserves to die."  
  
So Van blames part of their defeat of him brother. He still could not left go of that guilt.  
Van's ability to self-destruct was amazing. She wondered how he was able to repeatedly  
sink his own ship, but still managed to keep his head above the water.  
  
"He's never stopped being your brother. You've only stopped being his." She was blunt.  
She was cruel. But she didn't know what to say otherwise. Was this why her family and  
friends turned away from her? Because she was being blunt?  
  
How ironic. People relish in discovering other's secrets but fear telling their friends'  
their own. People create these lies to protect themselves. But they hate it when others  
tell them they're lying. Perhaps people can only truly thrive in lies... She almost  
scowled. Most of the time, the truth was far less beautiful. It was painful too, she  
realized. Discovering it always felt like thrusting her arms into a flame. It burned. But a  
flame was beautiful at times as well.  
  
Van didn't respond to her statement, and she watched him impassively. "Perhaps Van,  
you should stop lying."  
  
"I'm not lying."  
  
"Maybe then, we're still too weak to face the fire."  
  
Van tensed again, less visibly. He frowned, then looked at her intently. "Hitomi....," he  
said softly. There was a strange sigh in his voice. He sounded tired, but his face was still  
carefully controlled.  
  
Hitomi cut him off quickly, knowing exactly what he was going to say. "I can't provide  
that kind of support, Van. I don't understand you the way Merle did."  
  
She watched him reel in surprise, but a sudden rap on the door cut him short. Without  
waiting for a response, the wooden frame burst open, and Dryden stumbled in the room  
breathlessly. Van's expressions instantly hardened, and he flashed a polite smile.  
  
Dryden barely noticed him. "Guymelefs fast approaching," he whispered hoarsely. "We  
have no where to hide."  
  
  
  
End of chapter 5  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Yes! Things are progressing rather quickly now.  
  
Van seems really cruel... but he's really compulsive and very suppressed. Merle's  
disappearance kinda triggered it. Umm.. I hope its believeable... . Anyways, review!  
Flames are great... I don't mind. Just bleep out all the politically incorrect words.  
  
umm... it may seem that I'm trying to go for a Merle/Van pair. Well... not really. I'  
trying to establish their relationship. Merle's his trusted companion. And Van's really  
insecure, so he needed that support and understanding. He naturally seeks it from  
Hitomi, who refuses to allow herself to have any more ties.   
  
My stats are going down and Crash and Burn isn't going that well. 3rd chapter  
had 8 reviews, 4th chapter had 0 reviews, 5th chapter had 1... this is starting to be a  
trend... But I really wanna finish it 'cause I really enjoyed writing it... urggggggg.....  
*sigh.. I will finish this.. I will finish this... finish ... finish...   
  
humm... I'm trying to start the Kenshin fic I planned... the title's bizarre . *sigh...  
and then there's the oneshot for Van that I'm still trying to regurgitate after my computer  
ate it... -.- Paper Wings is disturbing....  



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